I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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