don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
