I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
