there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
