When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
