i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
