my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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