Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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