You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
