In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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