I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
zippers are such a cool invention
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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