Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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