My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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