Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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