PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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