Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
