WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
