omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
