Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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