The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
