fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He better not be in your backpack
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
