nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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