So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
