If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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