I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
