Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
