i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
