16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
