I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
