That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
