When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize