But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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