we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
