i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
