On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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