You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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