You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm both gender and math confused
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
