I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
