you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
