that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
