Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
