Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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