so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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