Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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