i love accidental penises.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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