They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
