Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
