it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
