There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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