Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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