Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
