I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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