you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
