I feel like abortions should bother me more
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
