We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
