Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
