so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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