OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
