I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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