Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize