I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
