Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize