hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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