she takes plan B like it's going out of style
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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