i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
