I think my vagina is haunted
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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