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You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
