so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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