well you can't waste a boner
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
