If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
