brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
