I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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