I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
