I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
