I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
