Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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