He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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