I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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