somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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