I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
