omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
