Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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