I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize