He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
